So, if you know anything about me, you know that I struggle with a lot of abdominal pain. I have since I was about 8. Most people reading this probably know nothing about me. I have heard many times that I am not as visible as I ought to be in this online space. As someone who is always working on themselves I find it hard to walk that line between transparency and victim mentality. Does sharing my struggles contribute to a personal victim mentality? Does sharing my struggles help others out of their victim mentality or help lock them in it? Either way, back to the point of this post.
I have been sitting here these past two weeks feeling very disheartened by the fact that I have been struggling, a lot, with my pain levels lately. Before you try to diagnose me, just know I have been to Dr’s, naturopaths, specialists and it all boils down to…”We don’t know.” A couple summers ago when I was attending a workshop I came to a very big realization that my abdominal pain and issues stem from the fear of death. If I can blame not feeling well on it being just the way I am, or I am sensitive to 3 million different types of foods and food combinations, then I can explain away any ailment, thus allowing me to quell my fear that me feeling sick is in any way related to my imminent demise. While this may not seem to make sense, we call these subconscious beliefs SECONDARY GAINS. Secondary gains do not make sense to the rational mind, but all of us hold beliefs that we may not be aware of that self-sabotage us. So, when I came to this realization, I was able to quickly use PSYCH-K to rewrite that subconscious belief and I had immediate relief. To say these past two years have been amazing as far as being able to enjoy food may sound silly as 2020-2021 have been a few really weird years. However, I can honestly say I have been pretty good for a couple years and haven’t struggled much.
Enter about a month ago. I was bent over in pain for days. Beating myself up. “I’m over this. What the heck? Why am I going backward?” The over analyzing every single thing I put in my mouth in the past month returned. The fear of foods. The want to get out the journals, go back to eating 3 things and slowly add others back in, watching for any and all reactions. Which, by the way, did not work for me as my food sensitivities rotated monthly. I did, however, fear all foods and have a bit of orthorexia, which caused a vicious cycle of more food fears.
So, last night I sat in a deep self reflection, wondering what’s really going on. What deeper secondary gain has revealed itself so that I can work on healing? I did come up with a very large list. A list that of course makes no sense to the rational mind, but it does to the subconscious. I will be posting these in the “what I’m balancing for…” blog posts in the coming weeks.
I did not sleep last night. Rolling around in discomfort and pain. While I know someone will suggest I get my bum to a Dr., believe me, this pain is something I have known since I was 8 years old. I know it well. And so my old friend and I rolled around, waiting for morning.
And as I sat in the kitchen this morning, I wanted to tackle this topic of struggle. It seems I hear a lot lately of people doing the hard work on themselves, only to be dismayed as they inevitably return to the one human constant, struggle. We work and we uplevel hoping that one day we will “arrive” and this struggle will be a thing of the past. While someone could chastise me, and point out this viewpoint I’m about to put forth is just a belief, one that I most certainly should work on, I would say that maybe adding a bit of realistic expectations about the shadow parts of life is healthy.
It has been said, and I do agree, that the one thing you can count on in life is struggle. There isn’t a lot that you can 100% guarantee, yet it seems that struggle may be the one thing that we can. And before you go off, feeling a deep existential depression, wondering what it’s all for, please hear me out. I have, for many years, wondered if the reasons that those who seem to have it so good end up throwing it all away for a life of drugs, conflict, and turmoil is because struggle is the human experience. We need it. We need it to know we are alive. When the struggle stops our human psyche cannot understand, and so it works to create struggle. How many celebrities have you heard of that have seemingly wonderful lives–they don’t need to worry about money, they have a wonderful spouse, they are accomplishing their dreams–only to hear a few years later they are hooked on drugs, their love has left them, they are a mess?
It appears as though, without any struggle,when the world is set up for us, we work hard to create struggle. You could also argue that the subconscious struggle they are experiencing inside is what then manifests the struggle into their real world. Again, getting back to secondary gains and how we sabotage ourselves. If we don’t believe deep down to our core that we deserve a life set up financially, living our dreams, having a lovely partner, then we will sabotage it. Either way, I am not sure what influences what. If our beliefs are what cause the struggle, or if struggle is what allows us to know we are still alive and we truly can’t be without it. BUT, whatever the reason, it is there.
So, if we begin to accept this concept that struggle is the one thing in life we can count on, then we can start to see that we can quit waiting to “arrive”. We can start seeing that we have choices in every single day. Choices on what to focus on. Choices on what to do when we encounter struggle. Struggle is not something we are victim to, or something that only happens to just us and not Sally Lou down the street. Rather, struggle is something that is constant. To struggle is to KNOW WE ARE ALIVE. And when the struggle stops, that’s when the time is up. Perhaps that’s when the clock has stopped. If we can accept that to struggle is to BE HUMAN it sets us FREE.
Please understand I am not plunging you into a deep depression depth by showing you struggle is a constant. But I am allowing you to see that it is here, it will always be here and to help you FREE YOURSELF FROM IT. It’s time to stop waiting to “arrive” to the point where struggle is a thing of the past. And it’s time to start CHOOSING to accept the struggle. To welcome it. To know that you are still alive and human and free.
So, back to me. I have chosen to adopt the mentality that these struggles are just a part of my human experience. If I bemoan the pain, feel its indicative of me propelling backward somehow, chastise myself for not “arriving” at the place where all my struggles are gone, then I am trapped in a life of being a victim. But I will instead choose to see this as a new struggle pointing to where I get to heal and what I get to work on. Because my pain has returned that does not mean that I have gone backwards or that I have failed. It does not mean that all my work on my previous secondary gains were for naught. What it DOES MEAN is that I have unearthed deeper levels to myself that I never would have been able to heal two years ago. The levels of myself and the real and raw truths I realized about myself yesterday evening would never had been able to come to light had I not healed that part of myself two years ago.
So today I am thanking the struggle. I am choosing to look at these deeper levels of healing. And I am choosing to LIVE instead of waiting to ARRIVE. Because besides struggle the other constant in life is that you and I have a choice in how we view our world.
**If you feel you would like to begin to look at deep subconscious beliefs that are holding you back in life please let me know via email, the website contact form or by booking an appointment here. PSYCH-K is the fastest and most effective route to quickly rewire limiting subconscious beliefs. It is life-changing. If you want to know more information about how subconscious beliefs control our lives please feel free to check out this post here.